Life of Becka

Confessions of a Dreamer

In Memoriam


My Brothers Memorial Photo

On September 21, 2009 my younger brother Ruben Roach died in his sleep from an accidental overdose of Oxy and Xanax. He was 31 years old. I have spent the last 3 years processing his death and what would have eventually been my own if I had stayed down the same path with my own addiction. This blog, my writing, my passion for helping others, is in great part dedicated to his memory and what he could have been if he had wanted help. As I prepare to start school in a few weeks it with great hope that I’ll be able to reach out to others and help them find the same path that I did in getting clean.

My relationship with my brother was very complicated and not always easy but I loved him. I have spent years being both sad and very angry with him for leaving us so soon. Unlike the immediate effect of a gun or an overdose, addiction takes you away, piece by piece, inch by inch till there is a shell left of what once was. It impacts everyone and everything in your life. It’s Russian Roulette in slow motion never knowing when that last pill or needle will be the proverbial bullet that will take you away for good.

Ruben and I where 2 sides of the same coin. I lived, he did not.  In some ways I felt / feel  survivors guilt about his death. Why did he die but I got clean? Why was he taken away yet I had the chance to get better? I honestly don’t know if I will ever understand it but I do know that I will NEVER, EVER take for granted the 2nd chance I’ve been given.

I’m dedicating my life to getting out there and doing good and making sure that this opportunity I have is not wasted. If I can share his story, my story, show the 2 sides and let people see that they do not have to keep playing the game, then everything what I went through and perhaps even what happened to him can have some kind of meaning behind it.

In memoriam to those like my brother who left us to soon, or those like myself who understand that for the rest  of their lives they will be in recovery, I dedicate this page and this blog to you all. Life is short. Spend it in the moment. It’s to precious to do anything else.

 

With much love

Becka

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