I’ve written poems before on what it is like to have most of your memories gone because of PTSD. Lately I have been feeling very worn down with not being able to remember. It is heart wrenching at times to have friends tell you of the things you did together and have absolutely no clue that it ever happened. This is just another way of trying to express what it feels like sometimes.
This year has perhaps been one of the hardest of my life. There are days where I miss the old me the one who popped a pill to forget, to function, to get through each day. Then there are days where I am filled with endless optimism and hope. Recovery from any kind of addiction is a life long process. It is the greatest struggle of all, the one you fight within yourself.
Living with ADHD is similar to what the Energizer Bunny would probably be like in real life. Always moving and thinking, drifting from one idea, concept, and thought. It is starting 5 projects and completing none. Feeling the need to read 3 books at once. Constantly searching for an off switch that does not exist. This is a small poem that reflects how I feel some days when my thinking is chaotic at best.
When I was younger I always felt invisible. Never quite part of any particular crowd, I drifted here and there, always searching, always wondering what my place was in the grand scheme of things. These are some thoughts on how I felt as a young woman who was very unsure and still figuring out who I would become.
I write a lot of poetry, stanzas about my feelings, thoughts at certain times. I want to clarify that because I chose to share these so publicly does not in any way, shape or form, mean that I advocate or embrace anorexia, drug abuse etc… I am in recovery and very, very proud of it.